"Eating out in Italy is seldom an experience to be forgotten, but based on my recent experience at Trattoria Archeto 3, I think I need to revaluate. Located on via Ancona 33 near Porta Pia, this place seems to have just barely passed to tourist/local barrier that divides the City Centre from its surrounding areas. The countless framed photographs of Marilyn Monroe and snapshots of Audrey Hepburn from Roman Holiday that cluttered the walls were first indicator that I was setting foot on inauthentic territory.
The place was packed compared to its neighboring watering holes with a whopping total of three guests. Two chattering friends filled the room with noise while the other party of one sat alone behind a Nora Roberts book and an unappetizing plate of pasta.
I should have turned around after being greeted by a woman dawning an oversized, oil stained sweatshirt quite possibly imported from CVS, but instead chose to focus my attention on the relatively warm ambiance, the dim lighting, and the appetizing cornucopia of salami, Sicilian tangerines, fresh cheese, and prosciutto that sat adjacent to a welcoming wine refrigerator in the corner. “Aunt Pina” as she’s called, distributed the menus and then retreated to her stoop by the doorway until we were ready to order.
All things forgivable, I was willing to give the meal itself a fair shot. We ordered a bottle of 2010 Ruffino Chianti at a price double the industry standard. Aunt Pina sloppily grabbed it from the impromptu shelf: the top of the wine refrigerator, flipped my wine glass over – which, by the way, had measurement markings on it – and poured a small amount for me to taste. As Archeto’s website claims, Pina has “una gentilezza che vi farà sentire un po' a casa.” “I do feel at home,” I thought, beginning to swirl the wine around my trattoria-on-a-budget chalice. But before I’d even brought the glass to my lips, Aunt Pina had disappeared, leaving the bottle on the table for us to pour ourselves. Usually, I’m perfectly fine with pouring for the table, but Plotting Pina tricked me into thinking that the 200% price increase might have included a fee for good service.
A while later, our Primi Piati were delivered: Cacio e Pepe, Amatricana, and Profumo de Mare. While the website claims that the courses embody “tradition and imagination,” imagination was all I saw, and it came in an undesirable helping and a half.
The Cacio e Pepe sat in a bowl made of baked Parmesan. Despite the dish’s immediate appeal, the casing quickly became a soggy mess that made one of Italy’s infamous meals look unappetizing. The flavor was there, but was only mediocre in comparison to authentic ristoranti throughout Rome.
The Profumo de Mare was a sorry excuse for what it claimed to be. The clearly pre-made spaghetti was overcooked and sat like deteriorating worms under a thick layer of melted butter. The seafood – mussels, clams, and shrimp – were decent and actually flavorful, but the pasta itself was unpalatable. The “sauce” comprised of butter and oil couldn’t hold to the un-lively cappelini and I don’t blame it. The result was a plate of empty shells and a dish filled to the brim with bright yellow butter.
But the Amatricana was the Piece de Resistance. We should have resisted. Genuine Amatricana is a vibrant red color with the full-bodied taste of rich tomatoes, smoky flavor, and a hint of chili served with al dente pasta. Trattoria Archeto’s rendition looked like the aftermath of a heavy Indian meal. Mixed in with lame spaghetti from the same batch as the Profumo was a dark brown sauce with hints of ground beef and maybe some onions(?) The flavors were difficult to decipher, but one thing was sure: this was not Amatricana.
After the let down of an ordinary bordering on inedible first course, we counted our losses and asked Aunt Pina for the check. With sixty euro less in our wallets, we couldn’t help but feel run for our money. The meal itself was unforgivable, especially for what was charged, and the 20-euro Chianti was a Sommelier’s nightmare. Archeto puts Italy’s deep roots in food and wine culture to shame with a misleading menu and nonexistent hospitality. If you’re in search of a bona fide Italian meal, you’ll have better luck at the sushi spot across the street."
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